Baby Sitting World

This situation is nothing new and it is far from rare or unusual.  When I was just a little girl my mother would take care of other people’s children on occasion for extra money.  There was one little girl named May that was just a toddler when my mom started caring for her.  May’s mom was a single parent and worked full time so May was like one of the family; she was with us more than she was with her own mom.  It wasn’t long before she started calling my mother “mama” and not wanting to go home with her mother in the evening.

One day May got really sick.  She woke up in the night with a fever and was calling for my mom.  Whenever her mother would try to pick her up or comfort her, May would just scream “No!” and cry even harder for my mom.  It had to be heartbreaking for her mother. 

I had a similar situation when I had my daycare.  Only one of the children was with me full time (approximately 50 hours per week).  Her name was Bella and she came to me at about a year old.  I treated all the children like they were my own.  I just loved them all.  Bella wasn’t walking yet when I started taking care of her, so I carried her around a lot.  She had hardly any hair and I found myself kissing her head and cheeks all day without even thinking about it.  I apologized to the parents, but they told me they didn’t mind at all.  In fact, they said that they enjoyed seeing the light traces of lipstick all over her head and the smell of my hand lotion all over her because they knew she was being cuddled and loved all day.  And she was!

After a few months, Bella began calling me “Mama” and crying when her mother or father came to pick her up at the end of the day.  It broke my heart.  I couldn’t even imagine how her mother felt.  My husband and I were invited to a Christmas party at their house that year.  Bella followed me around and kept putting her arms up to me to pick her up.  I automatically scooped her up and sat her on my hip while I chatted with other guests.  Her mother would come over and take her from me saying things like, “oh you’re not on the clock now, you don’t have to do that,” or “enjoy yourself, I’ll take her.”   As she would wisk her away, Bella would lean toward me with her arms out and start to cry.  As soon as her mother put her down she’d run to me again.  

I knew that Bella’s mother was taking her from me because it was somewhat painful to see her baby so attached to someone else, and I didn’t blame her.  But, I felt so sad for little Bella who was confused about who her “real mommy” was, and just wanted to be with the person who spent all day with her, playing with her, feeding her, teaching her, cuddling her, and loving her.

I finally asked her mom one day, “What would you like me to do?  I know it must be hard for you when Bella cries for me when you try to take her from me.  If you want, I can stop treating her like my own child and try to switch to more of a teacher – student relationship.  What would be harder for you, if she cries when you drop her off or if she cries when you pick her up?  Only you can decide.”  I hoped she  wouldn’t ask me to treat Bella differently.  I loved her so much and I find it difficult to hide my affection.

Although this is a very difficult situation to deal with, parents should realize that it is just a stage, and typically only lasts a few months.  Many children will also get to a point where they suddenly throw fits, cry, and scream when they are left with the nanny or daycare provider that they once adored.   Parents shouldn’t be too quick to jump to the conclusion that the child is being abused or neglected.  Certainly, they should investigate the possibility to rule out abuse.  But some parents have pulled their children out of their daycare immediately when the child exhibits this behavior, only to find that the child does the same thing at the new daycare.  This also is usually just a stage.

Many parents feel they have no choice when it comes to daycare.  They often have bought houses, cars, etc. and to stop working outside of the home once they have a child would be devastating to them financially.  Staying home with your baby or having a full time child care provider IS a matter of personal preference, priorities, and/or opinion.  There is no right or wrong.  Everybody has to do what is right for them.  The decision is not usually an easy one but it is your decision to make.

Please see my more recent post for What to do When Baby Prefers the Babysitter or Nanny.

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

Keeping a checklist for your babysitter on your computer is a good idea.  Skim over it each time a sitter comes, update it if necessary, and print a copy if changes were made.  Having a checklist will prevent you from forgetting to give the babysitter all the necessary information.  Here are some ideas for information to include on your list.

• If it is daytime, list who the children are allowed to play with and whether or not they are allowed to play in your house or at the friend’s house.
• Emergency telephone numbers, parent’s cell phone numbers, neighbor and/or relatives numbers are a must.
• Should the sitter answer the telephone or let the answering machine pick up?
• Appropriate discipline (always excluding corporal punishment)
• Rules for telephone and computer usage
• Appropriate television viewing, including stations they are allowed to watch, movies that are acceptable, and amount of time the children are allowed to watch TV
• Meal times, appropriate snacks, number of snacks, food allergies, and which rooms food is allowed to be eaten in
• Bedtime, night time routines, whether or not children need assistance brushing their teeth, and where they are allowed to sleep
• Whether or not friends are allowed to accompany the babysitter
• Where the flashlight and first aid kit is kept
• If you have a pool, let the sitter know whether or not the children will be allowed to use it and what the rules are regarding it.
• If you have any appliances that the sitter may need (for example a microwave), leave instructions on how to use them. 
• Is the babysitter allowed to adjust the heat or air conditioning?  If so, leave instructions for temperature limits and how to adjust the thermostat if it isn’t a simple dial.
• Is the sitter allowed to sleep if you are out late and the children are sleeping?
• If your home has an alarm or security system, leave instructions and also show the sitter how to turn it on or off.
• Don’t forget explicit instructions for medications if any of  the children are ill or take medications regularly.
• Anything to do with pets such as whether or not they can be let out and what treats they can be fed

This may seem like an awful lot of information, but if you keep a copy of the list on a desk or taped inside a cabinet door, the sitter will always have all the necessary information.  And if you keep a copy of it on your computer, it will be simple to update.  When ever you have a new sitter, review the information with her first in case some of the instructions are  unclear to her.  Instructions that may seem so clear to one person can be totally confusing to another.   Best of luck with your babysitters.

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

Well it is Halloween night and we are all in from trick or treating unless you live on the other side of the country like Steve Chambers, then you’ve probably just set out on your happy haunts!  If you are a parent, do you ever “raid” the candy bag after the kids go to bed?  Do the kids share it with their friends or eat it all themselves?   Have you ever noticed a dent in the candy stash after the babysitter has been there?  Ok, I’m just being silly here, but seriously most kids have quite a large booty from trick or treating and somebody’s going to eat it!

I hope you all had a wonderful Halloween if you celebrate it!  I had a very nice evening with Lady Gaga and Indiana Jones until they both ditched me to go trick or treating with friends!   They’re in bed now, so I’m off to raid their bags….. kidding!  They’ve already given me all the candy they don’t like.  That should satisfy my sweet tooth for a while!

Happy Halloween!

When girls become old enough to babysit and would like to get started, they often don’t know where to look for a babysitting job.  Many hang up fliers around their neighborhood.  Here are a couple of other ideas.

1. Check with your local library.  Most of them have a bulletin board often located near the children’s room where you would be allowed to hang a flyer.
2. Contact churches and other houses of worship in your area to see if they have a bulletin board or if they have a weekly bulletin or newsletter that you could advertise in.
3. Drop by dance schools, gymnastics centers, ice skating rinks, martial arts schools, and any other schools or centers where children may take lessons.  Ask if they have a bulletin board where you can hang a flyer.
4. Try calling daycare centers and preschools.  Although they care for children during the day, most don’t offer babysitting services for nights and weekends.
5. Check grocery stores and local fitness centers.  Though parents aren’t here to pick up and drop off children, they still frequent these places.  You’re sure to find plenty of parents at these places in need of a babysitter.
6. Of course you can always put an ad in your newspaper’s classified section.
7. What about online babysitting services?  Some require you to be 18, but some accept sitters as young as 13.
8. If you’re posting fliers around your neighborhood, don’t forget the playground!

Once you do get a few babysitting jobs, do your best and act responsibly.  If the people ask you to babysit again then it’s probably safe to assume that you did a good job and they liked you.  You should ask these parents if they would write you a letter of recommendation.  Some parents that interview you for a babysitting job will want references.  If you can give them a copy of some letters of recommendation or keep them in a notebook to show them, it will greatly improve your chances of being hired.

Remember babysitters, always be responsible, reliable, and trustworthy.  And don’t forget – Safety First!

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

Lisa mentioned that when she worked at a daycare, one mom insisted that they never touch her baby’s hands because the baby always sucked her fists and the mom didn’t want her to get germs.  Is this “over the top?”  Well, that’s a matter of opinion.  For me, yes. However, if I had my 2-3 month old at a party with 10 little kids running around and the children wanted to touch her hands….I might side with that mother.  I would assume that most adults (especially if they work in a daycare) wash their hands quite frequently.  Children, on the other hand, tend to be more lazy for the most part when it comes to hand washing, and usually only do so when reminded to.

Katie asks if we shouldn’t allow our babies to be exposed to germs so that they can build up their immunities.  I can see her point here and the only comment I can make is that personally, I’d prefer that my child build up her immunities a little later.  Infants are so susceptible to illness and can suffer much more from a cold than an older child because they don’t have as strong of an immune system and their little lungs are still developing.

When I left the hospital with my first child, I was told to boil the nipples for the bottles and boil the pacifiers.  If the pacifier fell on the floor it had to be boiled again.   Then at one of my baby’s first few check-ups, the nurse practitioner saw me freak out over the pacifier falling on the floor.  She said straight out to me, “The baby is not sterile and neither are you!  If your shoulder is bare when you are holding the baby, chances are she will suck on it.  After you boil the nipples, how do you get them on the bottles?  You use your hands – right?  Then the nipple isn’t sterile anymore is it?”  She went on and on and I got the point.

I have to say that I was a lot more worried about the baby putting her mouth on the handles of the shopping cart (that who knows who was touching after touching who knows what) than I was about her putting her toys in her mouth that had fallen on the rug.  We could analyze this, and say well you walked outside with your shoes on, so the bottom of your shoes must be covered in germs.  Then you walked on the carpet, the toy fell onto the carpet, and then the baby put it in her mouth - yuck.  But for some reason, the shopping cart handle still seems much worse to me. 

I asked my daughter’s pediatrician if it was a bad idea to start a daycare in my home while my daughter was still and infant due to the germs.  His response was that children in daycare do tend to get more illnesses earlier on, but by the time they get to school they have built up many immunities.  On the other hand, children that did not attend daycare stayed healthier earlier on and so caught more colds etc. when they began school.  But, after a few years in school, they all seem to even out.

So, it seems that this is more a matter of opinion or what you are comfortable with than what is right or wrong.  If you are a parent and you want the nipples, bottles, and pacifiers boiled, give your babysitter explicit instructions on how you’d like it done.  The more detailed your instructions, the more easily the sitter can carry out your requests.

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

When I was pregnant, I remember looking around in awe at all the contraptions and gizmos they sold for babies and I wondered how my mother raised 6 kids without all this stuff.  The diaper wipe warmer was a fabulous invention.  My daughter hated the cold wipes and so she hated having her diaper changed.  When I had my son, I received a diaper wipe warmer as a gift and I thought it was the greatest thing (so did he!).

Gone were the old fashioned walkers which were to blame for thousands of children falling down stairs.  The new replacement for these at the time was the baby bouncer or excersaucer which enabled the baby to exercise his legs while staying in one spot.  As the years went by, these just got better and better with toys attached, musical buttons on the trays, and all sorts of attachments to stimulate the baby’s senses.

I remember thinking that it had to be the peak of technology in baby gear and equipment.  What else could they possibly invent – what else could we possibly need?!!!!  Then I saw it for the first time about a year or two ago.  It was a shopping cart liner!  I was blown away!  Why didn’t I think of that?!!!  Every time I put one of my babies in the seat of a shopping cart the first thing they would do is lean over and put their mouth on the handle – YUCK!

I used to bring diaper wipes into the super market and start scrubbing the seat and anything near it before I’d put my baby in it.  Now they have this cool Shopping cart liner that covers the whole seat area so that the baby never touches the metal cart.  I thought it was the greatest thing ever. 

If you are a parent of an infant and you’ve never heard of these, you’ve got to get one.  If you have a nanny that takes your baby shopping, make sure the nanny doesn’t forget to bring the shopping cart liner the next time she takes your darling baby shopping.  You will love it and you’ll feel so much better about having your baby in a shopping cart that thousands of other people have used.  It is wonderful for helping to prevent the spread of germs to your baby.

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

So maybe it’s a rainy day and you’ve run out of things to do with your kids or the kids you are babysitting.  Well, you have books don’t you?  Sure you can read them a few stories, but what else can you do with books?

• You read and let the children act out the story.  Let them get dressed in costumes and find props.  It will be the children’s theatre production of the century!
• Let the children read to you.
• You read and let the children draw what they see in their head while you read the story. 
• They can each make several pictures while you read the story, then you can staple them all together and make your own book.
• If the children are old enough to read, everybody takes turns reading a page each.
• Let the children read, and you act out the story. They always love this, especially if you are dramatic!
• If they can’t read yet but can recognize letters, ask them to see how many words they can find on a page that start with a particular letter.
• If the children are too young to recognize letters, ask them to find shapes or colors in the pictures.
• Babysitters: bring along a book the children haven’t seen or heard before.  If they are too young to read, have them look at the pictures and make up the story from what they see in the pictures.  (You might want to have a video camera or recorder set up for this.)
• If you can find some books the children have not read before, try reading it almost to the end then have each child make up an ending or guess what the real ending will be.
• If all else fails – stack the books like blocks and build a castle!

If you have any more ideas for what to do with books – please feel free to share them!

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

I was asked by Rob Northrup what I thought about the issue of socialization with regards to Pre-K and homeschooling etc.  Hmmmm… ok, here it is – my opinion… 

Let me start with my personal experience.  When my daughter was born I started a daycare in my home so that I could earn money but still be with my baby.  I thought this was the perfect set up.  However, I didn’t really research it well and so I ran into a few problems.  First, I was open too many hours.  The first child was dropped off between 5:00 and 5:30a.m. and the last one left between 6:00 and 6:45p.m.  Next, I had 4 to 6 children at my daycare most of the time so I couldn’t take them anywhere.  With a passenger side air bag and only 3 seats in the back, it was rare that we went on field trips.  Also, because I was busy caring for the children all day long, I stayed in most weekends to clean the house.

The result of all this was that my daughter rarely left the house, and although she saw a few kids everyday, they were the same few kids each day, and they were within the confines of our home.  When we would finally leave the house to go for a walk on a weekend or go to the mall, or even a family function, my daughter would be afraid of everybody.  I remember many times pushing her in a stroller through the mall and people stopping to say something like, “Oh what a beautiful baby.”  I dreaded this, because no sooner would the words pass their lips then my daughter would start screaming “NOOOOOOO” at the top of her lungs and hide her face in her hands.  It was more than embarrassing.  At family functions when an aunt, uncle, cousin, or grandparent would try to pick her up to hug and kiss her or even just try to talk to her, they would get the same screaming response.

I had to purposely take her to busy shopping centers or at least up to the store starting with once a week and working up to once a day to get her used to people.   I’m not sure what would’ve happened if I didn’t purposely expose her to lots of different people everyday.  But what did happen, was by 2 1/2 years old she was ready for an audience.  I signed her up for dance class not sure how she’d respond to being dropped off for an hour and being left there (parents weren’t allowed to stay).  So I kept telling her how she would learn a dance with a bunch of other little girls, then get a beautiful costume and perform on stage, then everyone would clap for her.  The first day we walked into dance class she looked around then threw herself on the floor crying.  I asked her what was wrong assuming that she was upset because she didnt’ know anyone.  Her response was, “THERE ISN’T ANY STAGE!”

I think that the nature/nurture thing comes into play as well.  Children are born with a personality and may be introverts or extroverts whether they are home-schooled or attend preschool and public schools.  I feel that they all find their way eventually.  I think some may tend to be shy or very out going but I wouldn’t be quick to point blame.  Had I gone back to work and put my baby in daycare, she would probably have been used to people and interacted well  without my conscious effort of bringing her out everyday and it would’ve been a lot easier on me.  But, if I kept her in my house and continued with the daycare business, she would eventually have gone to school and I think she would have caught up on the socialization scale on her own after a while.

I don’t personally know anyone who has been home schooled, but from what I hear, home schooled children get their socialization piece by taking part in activities and sports, and playing with other children when those children get home from school and on weekends.

I do babysit for several different families that have full time nannies during the day.   The children in these families do tend to seem more shy when they are outside of their home than the ones who have always been in daycare.  One other difference that I’ve noticed is that the children cared for by a nanny all day, tend to talk more like little adults and use mannerisms and expressions that are very adult-like. 

My opinion is that in the long run whether a child is introverted or extroverted has more to do with  the personality the child was born with and will only vary slightly due to whether or not their socialization took place early in childhood or later.  I would love to hear other people’s experiences or thoughts on this.

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

I’m sure that I have mentioned in the past that one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard related to children was, “Never help a child until he asks for your help.”   I also remember telling the story of how I went to my son’s kindergarten class one day to help make “gingerbread” houses.   There were about 18 kids and one parent or adult with each child.  Those parents sure did make some beautiful gingerbread houses!   Oh, what, the parents were only supposed to “help?”  I could actually hear children saying things like, “Dad, now can I have a turn?”  And, “Mom, I said I don’t want to use M&Ms for that, please can we use colored marshmallows?”  I think there was a little too much “helping” going on.

Another “interruption” in their children’s learning that parents often partake in, is doing too much for them.  I stand guilty as charged.  I simply continued to follow the routine as my children got older.  I would  wake my  son for school, pick out his clothes, get his breakfast, tell him what type of jacket to wear, remind him to pack a snack, etc.  It’s no wonder that now he’ll be sitting on the sofa watching television and I’ll be busy working on the computer and he’ll ask me to get him a snack.  It’s my own fault – I’ve trained him that he’s not capable and I’ll  handle everything.  Now, it is taking a conscious effort to make him more independent and teach him to make his own decisions and to handle things himself.

I know I’m not alone in this.  There are plenty of parents out there who have done the same thing.  Some may have done it for different reasons, but nevertheless, there are still many of us “over-helpers” out their.  Now if you are a babysitter or nanny, the parents may greatly appreciate you making the children more independent by teaching them to do things on their own and not helping until the child asks for help.  But, the parents  may also feel like they want their children to do everything their way for as long as they’re living under the parent’s roof.  If this is the case, you may be expected to continue to pick out clothes, fetch snacks, make beds, and pick up toys until further notice!

Encourage children to make choices, to attempt finding things on their own before shouting for help, and to try, and fail until they succeed.  They may not thank you now, but someday they will!

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

Oh my goodness, how could I forget?!!!  I somehow failed to mention the good points about a standard child care center or daycare facility.  Every form of child care has its pros and cons.  You need to figure out what suits your family’s needs and budget the best.  While most daycare centers do not give children one on one private care as they would get with a nanny or au-pair, most still have a certain teacher to student ratio to ensure all children are properly cared for.

One huge benefit of a large child care facility is of course the socialization piece.  Children get to play and interact with lots of other children every day.  Even though they may be broken up into age groups, there are still plenty of children to play with and learn from.  Another benefit is that when the children go off to kindergarten, they are already used to routines and following the teachers instructions and rules.   They adjust to the structure of a school day quite easily.

Yet another benefit to institutional style child care centers is that they are usually well stocked with industrial strength toys and playground equipment which encourages physical activity in children.  Also, daycare facilities will provide parents with all the information to properly claim child care expenses on their taxes, some private childcare providers may not want to do this as they would like to try to avoid paying taxes on the pay they receive.

Remember, there are benefits unique to every type of childcare, you just need to choose what is right for your family!

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert