Baby Sitting World

In a prior post, I talked about this situation and how I had actually experienced it from the babysitter’s side.  There was a toddler in my daycare that was with me 40-50 hours per week.  I loved her and treated her as my own child.  The result of this was that she began calling me “Mama” and cried when her mother took her from me to bring her home at night. 

While this is a heartbreaking scenario that many mothers experience, mother’s dealing with this should try to take comfort in knowing that their child must be being well taken care of and well loved to form such an attachment to his or her babysitter or nanny.   It is so hard for most mothers to trust another person to care for their baby, especially when well meaning friends repeat old cliches to them like “nobody is going to love your baby like you do.”  Apparently, there are many childcare providers that can come darn close and this is proven when this scenario happens and the baby begins calling the sitter “Mama.”

Mothers should also understand that this is just a stage and their child will soon understand who is their real mother. Then he will be both happy to arrive at daycare and happy when his mother arrives to take him home.  Some children even get to a point where they kick and scream when they are dropped off with the very same childcare provider that they used to call “Mama.” 

Though you can’t force a child to stop calling the nanny “Mommy,” you can take steps to shorten this stage.

• Try to avoid working extra hours during this time if possible so you can spend more time with your child when you get home at night.
• Try to make the time you have together quality time.  It’s hard to be patient after you’ve just worked a full day and probably spent a considerable amount of time in traffic or commuting, but taking time to sit down and cuddle your baby on your lap while reading a story or singing nursery rhymes will help strengthen your bond.
• If you need to cook dinner during those few hours you have with your little one in the evening, try to include her as opposed to putting her in a playpen or exersaucer while you prepare dinner.  Try putting her in a high chair next to you so you can talk to her while you still get dinner on the table.
• Bedtime may not be negotiable due to time restraints of getting out of the house in the morning, but if possible, an extra half hour of play time with mommy and daddy is a significant amount of time to a little one.

If you’ve tried all of these to no avail, try to be patient – it’s just a stage. 

Children go through many different stages with regard to almost everything.  They will suddenly detest foods they once couldn’t get enough of.  A toy they never had interest in will become their most prized possession overnight.  Some children who seemed like they never slept begin sleeping through the night plus take two naps during the day.  One thing’s for sure, almost anything can change in an instant when dealing with children!

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

When you think of babysitting, whether you are the babysitter or the parent, do you consider whether or not the children will be outside while they are in your care or the care of the sitter? 

In many parts of the country and in many parts of the world for that matter, the weather can change often from hour to hour.  A bright sunny day can change quickly to a stormy afternoon complete with thunder and lightning.  A snowstorm can break way to a clear blue sunny sky.  Warm summer air can drop numerous degrees in a matter of minutes with a sudden gust of wind from an approaching cold front. 

“What does this have to do with babysitting?”

When you are babysitting, YOU are in charge of taking care of the children.  Protecting them from sun, cold, rain etc. is your job.  Parents are busy people.  They have thousands of things to remember between working and/or taking care of the house, and caring for their kids with their often overloaded schedules and just plain daily maintenance!  If Mrs. Jones has left for work for the day and forgot to leave the sunscreen out, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you to put sunscreen on the children before taking them outside.  However, you do need to discuss this with parents and get their permission.

Some parents may not want you applying sunscreen to their children.  Perhaps one of them is allergic to sunscreen.  Maybe the mother prefers to do it herself so she’s sure you haven’t missed a spot.  Whatever the reason may be is not important.  Making sure you follow the parents request is!  Keep in mind though, that you also need to think wisely.  For instance, if a parent says she doesn’t want you to use sunscreen on  her children, then taking them to the playground between the hours of 10:00 a.m. and 3:00 p.m. on a hot summer day is not a good idea.

Lots of children love the outdoors.  They love to play in the dirt with rocks and sticks, they like to dig in the sand, and they love to explore nature.  But, many of them prefer not to wear a jacket regardless of the temperature.  This is another instance where the sitter is required to use her best judgement.  Just because a child says they aren’t cold, doesn’t mean they should be allowed to run around without a jacket on a cold day.  If there are puddles outside or the ground is wet and muddy, the kids need to wear boots.  If their hands and fingers are red after being outside just a short time, they need mittens or gloves.  If it is raining or snowing, they need hats or hoods.

Adhering to parent’s requests and using your best judgement as well, will help to keep the children you are caring for safe and healthy.

As an added measure, keep a bottle of hypoallergenic sunscreen, a pair of kids mittens, and a small travel size umbrella in your babysitting kit!  Always try to be prepared for anything!

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

Ahhh, Valentines Day!  A day especially for celebrating love, whether you are dating, engaged, in another type of relationship, or married!  Many couples use February 14thas a day to celebrate and express their love for each other in some way out of the ordinary.  Some couples will wed on this most wonderful day, while others will simply celebrate with candy, flowers, gifts, or a night out to some place special.   If they choose to go out and either one or both of them have children, they will all share something in common – they will need a babysitter!

If you happen to be a babysitter, be aware that New Years Eve and Valentines Day are two days when you may increase your hourly rates.  These are days when your services will be in high demand and charging time and a half is not out of the ordinary.  If you are a parent or guardian, you should start looking for a sitter at least a month in advance to be sure you get the sitter you want.

If you don’t go out very often or usually have family or friends who care for your children in your absence, then you may not even know where to look for a babysitter if you are now in need of one. The best local sitters are at Sittercity.com.  Sittercity has thousands of sitters available all over the country.  Just click the link and fill in your zip code to view the babysitters available right in your area.  Also, Sittercity is offering a special promotion to take 15% off with promo code “SAVE15″ now through Valentines Day!  You can try the newspaper classifieds, but why wait?  Click on the link, enter your zip code, and you can view potential sitters from the comfort of your own home.

Babysitting services like Sittercity, provide you with information like age, level of experience, rates, and often a photo,  background check, and/or comments from other parents who have used their services.  Find your next sitter now!  And Happy Valentines Day!

Keeping a checklist for your babysitter on your computer is a good idea.  Skim over it each time a sitter comes, update it if necessary, and print a copy if changes were made.  Having a checklist will prevent you from forgetting to give the babysitter all the necessary information.  Here are some ideas for information to include on your list.

• If it is daytime, list who the children are allowed to play with and whether or not they are allowed to play in your house or at the friend’s house.
• Emergency telephone numbers, parent’s cell phone numbers, neighbor and/or relatives numbers are a must.
• Should the sitter answer the telephone or let the answering machine pick up?
• Appropriate discipline (always excluding corporal punishment)
• Rules for telephone and computer usage
• Appropriate television viewing, including stations they are allowed to watch, movies that are acceptable, and amount of time the children are allowed to watch TV
• Meal times, appropriate snacks, number of snacks, food allergies, and which rooms food is allowed to be eaten in
• Bedtime, night time routines, whether or not children need assistance brushing their teeth, and where they are allowed to sleep
• Whether or not friends are allowed to accompany the babysitter
• Where the flashlight and first aid kit is kept
• If you have a pool, let the sitter know whether or not the children will be allowed to use it and what the rules are regarding it.
• If you have any appliances that the sitter may need (for example a microwave), leave instructions on how to use them. 
• Is the babysitter allowed to adjust the heat or air conditioning?  If so, leave instructions for temperature limits and how to adjust the thermostat if it isn’t a simple dial.
• Is the sitter allowed to sleep if you are out late and the children are sleeping?
• If your home has an alarm or security system, leave instructions and also show the sitter how to turn it on or off.
• Don’t forget explicit instructions for medications if any of  the children are ill or take medications regularly.
• Anything to do with pets such as whether or not they can be let out and what treats they can be fed

This may seem like an awful lot of information, but if you keep a copy of the list on a desk or taped inside a cabinet door, the sitter will always have all the necessary information.  And if you keep a copy of it on your computer, it will be simple to update.  When ever you have a new sitter, review the information with her first in case some of the instructions are  unclear to her.  Instructions that may seem so clear to one person can be totally confusing to another.   Best of luck with your babysitters.

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

Lisa mentioned that when she worked at a daycare, one mom insisted that they never touch her baby’s hands because the baby always sucked her fists and the mom didn’t want her to get germs.  Is this “over the top?”  Well, that’s a matter of opinion.  For me, yes. However, if I had my 2-3 month old at a party with 10 little kids running around and the children wanted to touch her hands….I might side with that mother.  I would assume that most adults (especially if they work in a daycare) wash their hands quite frequently.  Children, on the other hand, tend to be more lazy for the most part when it comes to hand washing, and usually only do so when reminded to.

Katie asks if we shouldn’t allow our babies to be exposed to germs so that they can build up their immunities.  I can see her point here and the only comment I can make is that personally, I’d prefer that my child build up her immunities a little later.  Infants are so susceptible to illness and can suffer much more from a cold than an older child because they don’t have as strong of an immune system and their little lungs are still developing.

When I left the hospital with my first child, I was told to boil the nipples for the bottles and boil the pacifiers.  If the pacifier fell on the floor it had to be boiled again.   Then at one of my baby’s first few check-ups, the nurse practitioner saw me freak out over the pacifier falling on the floor.  She said straight out to me, “The baby is not sterile and neither are you!  If your shoulder is bare when you are holding the baby, chances are she will suck on it.  After you boil the nipples, how do you get them on the bottles?  You use your hands – right?  Then the nipple isn’t sterile anymore is it?”  She went on and on and I got the point.

I have to say that I was a lot more worried about the baby putting her mouth on the handles of the shopping cart (that who knows who was touching after touching who knows what) than I was about her putting her toys in her mouth that had fallen on the rug.  We could analyze this, and say well you walked outside with your shoes on, so the bottom of your shoes must be covered in germs.  Then you walked on the carpet, the toy fell onto the carpet, and then the baby put it in her mouth - yuck.  But for some reason, the shopping cart handle still seems much worse to me. 

I asked my daughter’s pediatrician if it was a bad idea to start a daycare in my home while my daughter was still and infant due to the germs.  His response was that children in daycare do tend to get more illnesses earlier on, but by the time they get to school they have built up many immunities.  On the other hand, children that did not attend daycare stayed healthier earlier on and so caught more colds etc. when they began school.  But, after a few years in school, they all seem to even out.

So, it seems that this is more a matter of opinion or what you are comfortable with than what is right or wrong.  If you are a parent and you want the nipples, bottles, and pacifiers boiled, give your babysitter explicit instructions on how you’d like it done.  The more detailed your instructions, the more easily the sitter can carry out your requests.

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

When I was pregnant, I remember looking around in awe at all the contraptions and gizmos they sold for babies and I wondered how my mother raised 6 kids without all this stuff.  The diaper wipe warmer was a fabulous invention.  My daughter hated the cold wipes and so she hated having her diaper changed.  When I had my son, I received a diaper wipe warmer as a gift and I thought it was the greatest thing (so did he!).

Gone were the old fashioned walkers which were to blame for thousands of children falling down stairs.  The new replacement for these at the time was the baby bouncer or excersaucer which enabled the baby to exercise his legs while staying in one spot.  As the years went by, these just got better and better with toys attached, musical buttons on the trays, and all sorts of attachments to stimulate the baby’s senses.

I remember thinking that it had to be the peak of technology in baby gear and equipment.  What else could they possibly invent – what else could we possibly need?!!!!  Then I saw it for the first time about a year or two ago.  It was a shopping cart liner!  I was blown away!  Why didn’t I think of that?!!!  Every time I put one of my babies in the seat of a shopping cart the first thing they would do is lean over and put their mouth on the handle – YUCK!

I used to bring diaper wipes into the super market and start scrubbing the seat and anything near it before I’d put my baby in it.  Now they have this cool Shopping cart liner that covers the whole seat area so that the baby never touches the metal cart.  I thought it was the greatest thing ever. 

If you are a parent of an infant and you’ve never heard of these, you’ve got to get one.  If you have a nanny that takes your baby shopping, make sure the nanny doesn’t forget to bring the shopping cart liner the next time she takes your darling baby shopping.  You will love it and you’ll feel so much better about having your baby in a shopping cart that thousands of other people have used.  It is wonderful for helping to prevent the spread of germs to your baby.

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

I was asked by Rob Northrup what I thought about the issue of socialization with regards to Pre-K and homeschooling etc.  Hmmmm… ok, here it is – my opinion… 

Let me start with my personal experience.  When my daughter was born I started a daycare in my home so that I could earn money but still be with my baby.  I thought this was the perfect set up.  However, I didn’t really research it well and so I ran into a few problems.  First, I was open too many hours.  The first child was dropped off between 5:00 and 5:30a.m. and the last one left between 6:00 and 6:45p.m.  Next, I had 4 to 6 children at my daycare most of the time so I couldn’t take them anywhere.  With a passenger side air bag and only 3 seats in the back, it was rare that we went on field trips.  Also, because I was busy caring for the children all day long, I stayed in most weekends to clean the house.

The result of all this was that my daughter rarely left the house, and although she saw a few kids everyday, they were the same few kids each day, and they were within the confines of our home.  When we would finally leave the house to go for a walk on a weekend or go to the mall, or even a family function, my daughter would be afraid of everybody.  I remember many times pushing her in a stroller through the mall and people stopping to say something like, “Oh what a beautiful baby.”  I dreaded this, because no sooner would the words pass their lips then my daughter would start screaming “NOOOOOOO” at the top of her lungs and hide her face in her hands.  It was more than embarrassing.  At family functions when an aunt, uncle, cousin, or grandparent would try to pick her up to hug and kiss her or even just try to talk to her, they would get the same screaming response.

I had to purposely take her to busy shopping centers or at least up to the store starting with once a week and working up to once a day to get her used to people.   I’m not sure what would’ve happened if I didn’t purposely expose her to lots of different people everyday.  But what did happen, was by 2 1/2 years old she was ready for an audience.  I signed her up for dance class not sure how she’d respond to being dropped off for an hour and being left there (parents weren’t allowed to stay).  So I kept telling her how she would learn a dance with a bunch of other little girls, then get a beautiful costume and perform on stage, then everyone would clap for her.  The first day we walked into dance class she looked around then threw herself on the floor crying.  I asked her what was wrong assuming that she was upset because she didnt’ know anyone.  Her response was, “THERE ISN’T ANY STAGE!”

I think that the nature/nurture thing comes into play as well.  Children are born with a personality and may be introverts or extroverts whether they are home-schooled or attend preschool and public schools.  I feel that they all find their way eventually.  I think some may tend to be shy or very out going but I wouldn’t be quick to point blame.  Had I gone back to work and put my baby in daycare, she would probably have been used to people and interacted well  without my conscious effort of bringing her out everyday and it would’ve been a lot easier on me.  But, if I kept her in my house and continued with the daycare business, she would eventually have gone to school and I think she would have caught up on the socialization scale on her own after a while.

I don’t personally know anyone who has been home schooled, but from what I hear, home schooled children get their socialization piece by taking part in activities and sports, and playing with other children when those children get home from school and on weekends.

I do babysit for several different families that have full time nannies during the day.   The children in these families do tend to seem more shy when they are outside of their home than the ones who have always been in daycare.  One other difference that I’ve noticed is that the children cared for by a nanny all day, tend to talk more like little adults and use mannerisms and expressions that are very adult-like. 

My opinion is that in the long run whether a child is introverted or extroverted has more to do with  the personality the child was born with and will only vary slightly due to whether or not their socialization took place early in childhood or later.  I would love to hear other people’s experiences or thoughts on this.

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

Oh my goodness, how could I forget?!!!  I somehow failed to mention the good points about a standard child care center or daycare facility.  Every form of child care has its pros and cons.  You need to figure out what suits your family’s needs and budget the best.  While most daycare centers do not give children one on one private care as they would get with a nanny or au-pair, most still have a certain teacher to student ratio to ensure all children are properly cared for.

One huge benefit of a large child care facility is of course the socialization piece.  Children get to play and interact with lots of other children every day.  Even though they may be broken up into age groups, there are still plenty of children to play with and learn from.  Another benefit is that when the children go off to kindergarten, they are already used to routines and following the teachers instructions and rules.   They adjust to the structure of a school day quite easily.

Yet another benefit to institutional style child care centers is that they are usually well stocked with industrial strength toys and playground equipment which encourages physical activity in children.  Also, daycare facilities will provide parents with all the information to properly claim child care expenses on their taxes, some private childcare providers may not want to do this as they would like to try to avoid paying taxes on the pay they receive.

Remember, there are benefits unique to every type of childcare, you just need to choose what is right for your family!

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

I am a strong believer of “No Friends Allowed” when babysitting, with very few exceptions.  One of the reasons is that it is such a temptation for the sitter to want to talk and hang out with her friend when the focus should be on the children.   One time, I slipped quietly back into my house while the babysitter was there, only to find the babysitter and her friend alone in the playroom playing with my daughter’s Barbie dolls.  Of course she was startled when she saw me.  I asked where the kids were and she said she had to “separate my daughter and her friend because they were fighting.”  My daughter and her friend were about 3 or 4 years old at the time and she put each one in a different room and closed the door.  Meanwhile my son who was a year and a half old came toddling across the floor carrying a drinking glass.  Where was the supervision?

Another reason I don’t approve of friends over while babysitting is because I think it is a short jump from having a girl friend over to having a boyfriend over.  Even though I didn’t allow friends over, I still came home one night to find my 15 year old babysitter in bed with her boyfriend!  This has to be at the top of the list for babysitter no-no’s.

Occasionally, parents will want to go out with another couple or two and share a babysitter.  If the total number of kids is too much for one sitter to handle then I think bringing a friend to help out is warranted.  Also, if the sitter’s mother requests that her daughter be allowed to bring a friend to study or work on a school project together, then I would allow it after the children are in bed.

Some adults are babysitters as well but have their own children – like me!  I never assume it is ok to bring my children along.  On rare occasions I have had to ask my clients if they wouldn’t mind if I brought the kids because of some unavoidable issue that came up.  But, I always gave them the option of cancelling with me and hiring a different sitter if they weren’t crazy about the idea of me bringing my children.

In some cases, my clients actually ask me to bring my kids along.  One family in particular has three little kids 5, 3, and 1 years old.  The 5 and 3 year old love my daughter.  They always beg for her to come.  This is a big help for me because she entertains them so that I can take care of the baby.  It just makes it easier and more enjoyable for everyone.  Another family has a 4 year old little boy who simply adores my son.  If I show up without him it just breaks the little guy’s heart.  The parents always ask me to bring him

Every client is different and every situation is unique, but my suggestion is that if you are a babysitter, don’t ask if you can bring anyone along unless it is really necessary.  And, if you are a parent, give it careful consideration before allowing a sitter to bring a friend.

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert

Ah-ha, somebody was paying attention! Miss Mentor noticed that in with nannies and aupairs I mentioned the “household manager.”  I suppose Alice was more of a household manager than an aupair or simple housekeeper.  A household manager can be anything from someone who supervises other household staff, handles security of the home, books travel arrangements, manages special projects, etc. to simply a nanny in a home where the children are getting older but still need supervision.

Often times, a nanny who has bonded tightly with a family and has taken care of the children until they go off to school, graduates into the position of household manager.  Although there are no more diapers to change or babies to rock, the older children still need adult supervision and the housecleaning still needs to get done.  Families that have become accustomed to having the help of the nanny or aupair, are happy to keep her on the payroll after the children have all gone off to school. 

The duties of the nanny gone household manager shift a little, but still overlap much of what the nanny used to do.  Though the children probably don’t attend circle time at the library anymore, they may have sports and other activities that they need transportation to and from, as well as doctor & dentist appointments to get to.  Household managers, often called family assistants as well, can also provide tutoring for the children, do the grocery shopping, laundry, and take care of any other errands or duties associated with running the household.

Having a family member to care for your children and help you out at home is priceless, but if you don’t have family in your area, choose your childcare provider carefully and you may end up with one that at least feels like family.

Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert